Isolation
by Macavity
Summary: This isn't my usual style, but I'm trying my hand at it. It's a monologue from Seto's POV, my take on what he's thinking when he's trapped in Pegasus's card. Please read it and tell me what you think! *UPDATED*
1. Alone

Disclaimer: Do you see Yami and Seto beating Pegasus into a pulp and hurling him down a deep pit? Then they're not mine.  
  
Yami: Oh, how I wish I could hurl Pegasus down a deep pit.  
  
Seto: Oh, how I wish I could help.  
  
Me: If I had my way, you would.  
  
Yami: sigh Hey, wishful thinking, right?  
  
Me: You'll get your revenge. Trust me.  
  
Author's Notes: I don't know what was running through my mind when I wrote this. It's what I think Seto would be thinking about while his soul was trapped in the card. This isn't the kind of thing I'd normally do, but I'm trying my hand at it. I hope you like it.  
  
~*~  
  
Darkness. The cold, unforgiving darkness. It swirls around me, unyielding, mocking my pain. Laughing at my suffering. I don't know how much longer I can bear it, how much longer I can stand up to the horror of being trapped forever in this place, this card.  
  
I wish I could die. I wish I could just end it all and not have to live with this anymore. I wish he'd taken my mind along with my body, so I wouldn't have to wait here, always remembering the day I failed for the first time. The day I lost the thing I treasure the most. I lost the only chance to save my brother.  
  
I hate him. I hate him for doing this to us. I hate that smirking, arrogant creature that calls itself a man. He did this to both of us, tearing out my mind, tearing out my little brother's soul, ever toying with us.  
  
It's all a game to him.  
  
I can't let him win. I can't let him be victorious in this game we're playing, even now. I won't let him drive me to insanity, even though the darkness is threatening to steal my rational thought. I may have failed before, but I won't this time. I have nothing left, nothing to lose; nothing matters anymore. If I die before the game ends, it won't matter. I'll just be another casualty in the war we've waged against Pegasus.  
  
We. You're not alone, Seto, he's still out there, still fighting. He's going to rescue you from Pegasus; he'll save your little brother and you both. Cling to that image, don't lose hope. He'll come for you, he will win, he just has to.  
  
Yugi.  
  
Don't lose that picture, the likeness of your rescuer. Violet eyes, golden bangs mixed with red and black hair, and then, of course, the Millennium Puzzle. One of the seven Millennium Items, just like Pegasus's Millennium Eye. The Eye he used to cheat you of your victory. The Puzzle that let Yugi draw the final piece of Exodia. Your only two losses.  
  
I've seen the truth. There's someone else behind the small, boyish exterior, someone who dares to take risks and put everything on the line, with enough courage and skill to know that things will work out or else he will make them work out. They're only subtle differences, but they're there. I can see them. I don't know if anyone else can.  
  
Yugi is innocent, childlike; the other is cold and calculating. You can tell he's seen things no person should have to. You know he's done things no person would ever dream of. He's the all-powerful duelist, the force to be reckoned with. He's like.like the darkness to Yugi's light. The Yami to the other's Hikari.  
  
Where Yugi is forgiving, Yami is uncompromising. He won't let anything stand in the way of his win, even if it means putting others at risk. I know. I've seen it firsthand. He was ready and willing to attack my Blue Eyes Ultimate Dragon, even knowing that the force may knock me off the ledge.  
  
They're different, yet the same. At times, Yugi draws on his Yami for strength, while other times Yami needs some of Yugi's compassion. And it's that strange mix of light and dark, good and evil, right and wrong, that makes him so alluring. So mysterious. And that's why I know he'll rescue me from this card.  
  
Yugi is the one who duels to save his grandfather. Yami is the one who duels to win. At this point, they have a common goal, but later.what will happen later? When their objectives diverge? When there's a clash between light and dark? Who can prevail in a duel of that magnitude?  
  
There's still nothingness around me. I won't let Pegasus win, I can't! If anyone will come for me, it will be Yami. He's the only one who can win against Pegasus. He's the only one with the powers of the Millennium Puzzle.  
  
Yugi can't do it alone, even with the faith he has, he'll crumble before Pegasus's tactics. His light would be snuffed out by Pegasus's evil. But Yami.Yami is different. He knows his boundaries; he knows where the line is between light and dark, even though it's blurred and unclear. He knows how far he can push the limit before falling prey to evil.  
  
But the real question is, will he choose to stay on this side of the line?  
  
Good, Seto, stay lost in the memories, don't give in, don't let anyone hurt you. Stay cold, stay unfeeling, just like you used to be. Like you were before Yami opened your eyes to the Heart of the Cards.  
  
But maybe, maybe that's not the way to be.  
  
Maybe the only way to survive is to feel compassion, to allow yourself to cry once in a while. Maybe the only way I can get out of this is to let someone hurt me, to feel the pain I've inflicted on others so many times. Maybe I need to have faith in Yami, trusting in him to set me free and then betray me, to shatter my hopes with one shot. I need him to pay me back for all the pain I caused him. Maybe then I can truly be free of this torture.  
  
Or maybe that's me, going insane.  
  
I can feel the darkness, trying to take control, control of my conscious. There's absolutely nothing here, no light, no sound, no hope. Just the way Pegasus wants it. I know I can bear the torture, I know I can live through it, but what about Mokuba? What about my brother, forced into this agony and kept for longer than I was? What if he's already succumbed to the insanity-inducing darkness?  
  
He never did anything to anyone; wouldn't harm a flea, couldn't bring himself to drive away a wild dog that somehow ended up on our doorstep. He was the smartest kid in his class, always with a joke or two waiting. All he needed was my protection. If I'd suddenly lost everything I had-the house, the cars, money, everything-he'd still be happy with being my brother. I was so proud of him, so happy because he was happy.  
  
I would have given everything to protect him. If I'd known Pegasus would try to move in on my company, I never would have left. I thought I was doing the right thing. Turns out I was just being selfish. If I hadn't been so broken up over losing to Yami, I would have been there for Mokuba. I would have been able to keep him safe, to protect him from my enemies. If I hadn't lost that one duel, if I could have prevented Yami from drawing the last piece of Exodia.  
  
And now, somehow, it all comes back to Yami.  
  
He defeated me, but I couldn't live with that. I had to know why. Maybe he's just better than me. And now I have to pray that he is indeed better than me, so he can succeed where I failed. So he can nab victory from Pegasus when I gave in to defeat. All I can do is wait and hope.  
  
He has to win, he just has to! I can't let Pegasus defeat me, I can't let him turn me into a weak, whimpering dog. I have to hold on, I have to trust Yami! Easy, Seto, Pegasus is taking his toll, he's winning the game! Don't let him!  
  
If I were capable, if I had a body, I'm sure I'd feel the stains of tears on my cheeks. But I can't cry, no matter how much I want to, no matter how much I wish I could. It's strange.I always thought crying showed how weak you are. I trained myself not to do it. I'd grow sullen, angry, or strangely quiet, but never fear, never weakness. I wouldn't cry, even if you beat me, stabbed me, killed me.  
  
Pegasus knows he's going to prevail against me. He knows I can't resist much longer. He knows that soon I'll have to give in to the pain, that soon my resolve will break down and I'll be totally at his mercy. I wouldn't be surprised if after that he puts my soul back in my body, just so he can watch me whimpering, cowering in fear. So he can laugh at me and mock me for being weak. I know he will. I know he's going to do it, for the pure satisfaction of seeing me that way.  
  
But there is another way.  
  
If Yami defeats him, if he comes to release me.I won't have to bear the agony any longer. I won't have to worry about being weak. I'll have relied on someone else to save me, true, but at least I won't have to bear the shame of seeing my enemies laugh at me. I won't have to suffer any longer.  
  
Someone once told me that to care about someone's well-being is to love them. It doesn't mean you have to be in love with them, it just means you care. That you'd help them if they were ever in trouble. You'd defend them if someone tried to hurt them.  
  
So, by those standards, does Yami love me? Maybe. He obviously cares what happens to me, unless I'm in the way of his goal. If I hadn't been preventing him from saving his grandpa, he wouldn't have attacked my Blue Eyes. He wouldn't have put my life on the line.  
  
Do I love him back? Would I come to his rescue if our places were reversed? Could I find it in my heart to feel compassion for my enemy, to risk my life for him, even? I don't know. I may never know. But I do know I won't lose hope. I believe he will free me. I know I won't have to wait much longer.  
  
He's coming, Pegasus. Are you frightened? This time you will be the one to feel the pain. Are you ready, you monster? You'd better be.  
  
You're going down, Pegasus. You will lose, and we will win. No matter what.  
  
~*~  
  
Well? What did you think? Was it any good? Hope you'll tell me in a review!  
  
Seto: That was.weird.  
  
Yami: Wait.you LOVE me?!  
  
Seto: I didn't write that! Macavity did!  
  
Me: Admit it. You care about him, Seto.  
  
Seto: I do not! I do not! I've been framed!  
  
Yami: flutters eyelashes You sure?  
  
Seto: YES!  
  
Yami: Too bad.you're awfully cute when you're defensive.  
  
Seto: Well.maybe I like you, just a little bitty smidgen.  
  
Me: Aw, this is so sweet! snaps picture  
  
Seto: What the heck?!  
  
Me: Come on! It was a Kodak moment!  
  
Yami: Hand over that picture!  
  
Me: No!  
  
Seto: WE'LL TAKE IT BY FORCE IF WE HAVE TO!  
  
Yami: GET HER!  
  
Me: Never! You'll never take me alive!  
  
Seto: GIVE IT!  
  
Me: NO!  
  
Yami: jumps Macavity from behind and steals camera  
  
Me: Dang it.  
  
Yami: Hey.there's no film in this camera!  
  
Seto: What?  
  
Me: I lied. You're so cute when you flip out. glomp  
  
Yami: Oof.  
  
Seto: Oof.  
  
Like I said, it's not my usual style. But was it any good? Tell me in a review! And by the way, if you didn't like it, don't flame me. They make Joey the Flame Swordsman cranky. 


	2. Freedom

Disclaimer: IF they were mine, which they're not, I would be throwing a huge party every day. I would be singing. I would be dancing. I would be creating life-size dolls of Yami and Seto. So if you see those in stores anytime soon, then you can be sure that Yu-Gi-Oh belongs to me. If not, then it's not mine.  
  
Yami: And what exactly would you be doing with these life-size dolls?  
  
Seto: You already have us. What do you want with dolls?  
  
Me: I'd take them to school and make all the people jealous.  
  
Seto: Don't you do that already?  
  
Me: Oh, yeah...  
  
Yami: rolls eyes You are so weird.  
  
Me: I know. Ain't life grand?  
  
Seto: groan  
  
Yami: groan  
  
Author's Notes: This chapter is dedicated to all the people who actually bothered to review chapter one: Diomira, Elvish Violinist of Ra, lily22, Akumu*Draka, Angel Reaper, waterfall, Katarik, JK, KAylen, Lil-Pink-Mew, and FOG. This is dedicated to you guys because, even though angst is not my style and the first chapter was probably really crappy, you still reviewed! And they were fairly GOOD reviews, too! I feel so special.  
  
Anyway, I'd especially like to say thank you to Fire Tears. It was such an honor, getting a review from the Queen of Seto Introspectives for my own little introspective! I recommend that everyone go check out one of hers after you finish reading this. Goodness knows they're much better than mine.  
  
That said, here's Part Two of "Isolation!"  
  
~*~  
  
It's so strange, being back to myself. That terrible, horrible experience in that soul card has really made me stop and think. I guess now is the time that I start thinking about all the "what ifs" that have turned my world upside down.  
  
When you're locked away someplace, someplace where there's absolutely nothing around except you, you find a lot of time to think. And after a while, you find yourself questioning things you'd never have thought of before. For me, it was different. Most people, when they're locked away, at least have their vocal cords. They can talk to themselves, keeping away the horrifying silence. But I was in that card, with nothing but my mind. So I guess it was natural to think. What else could I have done?  
  
Besides die, I mean.  
  
I thought a lot about the "what ifs" when I was in there, too. Like, what if Yugi had never drawn the last piece of Exodia? I suppose I never would have gotten into this mess. I'd still be the world champion, I'd still be with Mokuba, I'd still have my company...  
  
And I'd still have that dark presence haunting me. Guess that doesn't work out the way I'd hoped.  
  
What if, during Yugi's duel with the freak I've come to know as Phantom Kaiba, I wasn't able to get to my computer? What if Phantom Kaiba had attacked instead of throwing his "sure" victory in Yugi's face? And while I'm at it, what if the Heart of the Cards was all a big fake and the attack had gone through?  
  
Um...my company would be gone, Yugi's grandpa would be dead, and Mokuba and I would still be trapped in those soul cards. Gee, that's even peachier than the first "what if".  
  
Suppose Yugi hadn't been able to control Yami during the Blue Eyes Ultimate Dragon duel...what would have happened to me? I'd have fallen off the castle wall, fallen to my doom. I wonder if Yami knew about the parachute under my trench coat? He-he-he, that's right, Seto. Keep joking, keep laughing. It's funny, everything's funny...  
  
Would I have died? Most likely. Would I have welcomed it? ...I can't answer that question. Not now. I don't even want to think about that time.  
  
They let me out. I'm free. I have a body. Just the thought of it sends my mind reeling. How strange that such a simple thing like having a body could be so magical. That and seeing my brother...oh, man, I would have gladly stayed in that card if, even just for a few seconds, it meant I could have seen Mokuba restored.  
  
I don't think anyone would care to know where I was when I woke up. Talking to yourself again, Seto? So strange, when for so long, you've been the only person to talk to, and now that you have people to say things to and lips to say them with, you're still talking to yourself.  
  
When I came to, I almost threw up. My coat was gone and I was sitting, chained, in a corner of a murky cell. My coat gone...I had no way of getting free. And then, on my wrist, a gold bracelet with the initials "M.P."? What had Pegasus done with me? And how in the heck was I going to get out of there?  
  
I about chopped off my wrist, trying to get that sickening piece of jewelry off. Must have been the added boost of adrenaline, because it snapped with one swift yank. Fortunately, one of the fragments was thin and I was able to pick the lock with it. The same went for the door.  
  
Running, running through those dank halls, faster than I've ever run before, trying to find my coat and briefcase. If Pegasus had stolen my new technology, he was going to pay and pay dearly.but I never found him. My stuff was stashed haphazardly behind a suit of armor. But where was Mokuba?  
  
Figured I'd go out to the gates. There was only one way into Pegasus's castle; therefore there was only one way out. If Yugi or Mokuba came out, I'd be waiting. And come they did. The doors opened, and there he was, running to me.but even as I embraced my little brother, I couldn't help but wonder where Yami was. I was surprised; Yugi actually had control. I was expecting Yami to come out and claw my eyes out or something for everything I'd put him and Yugi through. But he didn't.  
  
I can't say I was disappointed, but I can't say I was thrilled, either. And then there was Joey, that stupid puppy dog, staring at me with tears in his eyes...what was he thinking? That after all the insults I'd made towards him (and still completely agreed with, thank you very much), I'd suddenly fall in love with him the first time I saw him again? I don't think so, puppy dog.  
  
Well, there's one good thing, at least. Tea didn't start preaching about friendship again.  
  
Good grief, if she had, I think I would have just gone back in that stupid card. Does she actually believe that ANYONE listens to those sermons?! I'm surprised they haven't just taken out a roll of duct tape and taped her big fat mouth shut. Actually, I have a roll in one of the hidden pockets in my trench coat...  
  
But knowing Yugi, he'd probably give me that stupid pout and tell me that wasn't nice. Heaven forbid anyone does ANYTHING bad to his precious girlfriend. It almost makes me wonder what Yami thinks about all that...he's much too smart to even consider liking her, right? I'm still mystified as to how Yugi could think she's even remotely cute...  
  
To be honest, taking all seven of us home in my helicopter was not easy. Yami and Yugi almost split into two people, which would make eight. And if Ryou's got the Millennium Ring, wouldn't he have a Yami, too? Nine?! No way nine people would fit. Guess we'd have to throw a few overboard. A certain brunette comes to mind...  
  
It ended up that Yami just took control. He said he was sick of hanging around in his soul room and that Yugi could just go play with his toys or something. (Didn't understand a word of that, but what the heck? At least now I have one semi-intelligent person to talk to on the way home.) Actually, we didn't have too bad of a time. Strangely enough, Yami understood most of the gripes I had about Duel Monsters. Of course, when he tried to assure me that the Heart of the Cards could cure all of them, I almost threw the copter into neutral and told him he could get out and walk the rest of the way home.  
  
And yes, we were still over the ocean.  
  
But here's the neat part: Yami was cool with that. He just shrugged and was like, "Please don't. Wet leather is not fun." I laughed, really I did. If you can believe that. It wasn't so much what he said, but the way he said it. He just had this perfectly innocent, completely straight face, but his eyes were laughing. So I just started up the copter again and we kept going for home.  
  
Scared the crap out of me, though, when Joey decided to see if he could turn on the radio. Stupid chihuahua. He hit the autopilot, completely disengaging it. We almost took a swim in fifty-degree water. It would have been funny, if we all hadn't been so terrified. Seriously, the control stick lurched forward and the copter suddenly did a nosedive right towards the waves...let's just say it was rather unpleasant.  
  
I don't remember exactly who started screaming first. Tea, screaming out of sheer terror; Joey, screaming out of shock; Mokuba, screaming like a giddy kid on a roller coaster; or me, screaming about stupid chihuahuas that are trying to kill us all. Ryou just sort of smirked at us, observing the scene through angular brown eyes. Strange...there's something going on with that kid. One minute he's totally nice, and the next he's cruel and sadistic. His Yami, maybe?  
  
Anyway, back to the story, we SOMEHOW managed to get home (after I whipped out aforementioned duct tape and taped Joey's wrists to the armrests of his chair) without further incident. Then I called a limo to take me and Mokuba home. Of course, it wasn't just me and Mokuba who rode in the limo. When I attempted to get Mokuba in before anyone said anything, Tea opened her big fat mouth and started preaching about how it was cruel to leave them all in the cold and true friends help each other. Okay, who said I was their friend?  
  
It ended up, though, that they all piled into the limo before I could say anything. Then Mokuba just fixed me with the most adorable little face anyone ever saw and said, "But Seto, it's cold out. Can't we please give them a ride?"  
  
Yugi lives four blocks from where we landed. Heaven forbid he be forced to walk four whole blocks in the 65-degree weather. Wearing pants and a jacket. Cold, heck. Mokuba just wanted more time with his new friends.  
  
Anyway, we loaded them all into the back of the limo. Personally, I wanted to stuff Joey into the trunk, but the others wouldn't let me. And then, of course, Tea opened her big fat mouth AGAIN and started preaching about how I should be nicer to them considering how they saved Mokuba and blah, blah, blah. Honestly, I actually pulled my duct tape out of my pocket that time. But fortunately for Tea, Yami managed to shut her up with some talk about going home to take a shower because her hair looked like a rat's nest.  
  
I have never seen a more perfectly timed insult. I mean, her mouth was hanging open for a full ten seconds before she got all ticked off at him. I wonder if she realizes that her precious Yugi is actually two people in one? Or am I the only one to figure it out?  
  
If they haven't yet, they're dumber than they look. Hello, people! Never mind that Yami is something like a foot taller than Yugi, his eyes are different, his voice is lower, he wears different clothes, different shoes, and his hair is different! No, they're the same person! Morons.  
  
Anyway, we took them all home. Mokuba insisted that we take Yugi and Yami home last, because he wanted to chat with his new friend longer. The last I heard, they were discussing something along the lines of, "My big brother is the best duelist ever!" "Nuh-uh! Yami's the best!" "Is not!" "Is too!" "Is NOT!" "Is TOO!" "Is not times infinity!" "Is too times infinity squared!"  
  
Okay, so that wasn't technically what they said, but it should have been. Seriously, being in that card did something to my mind. I'm developing a really twisted sense of humor...this is not good.  
  
Now that I'm free, though, I've realized something else: when you're alone, isolated, with no chance of survival, you start to think about all the things you've done in your life and start regretting them. For that short time, I regretted tearing up Yugi's Blue Eyes. I regretted being nasty to them all the time. I even regretted calling Joey a chihuahua. I didn't regret that one as much as the others, but I still kind of felt sorry about it. Just a tad.  
  
Anyway, that got me to thinking about some of the things I was wondering while I was in that card...the major thing I regretted in my life was not having anyone other than Mokuba in my life. In complete and utter desperation, I grasped at threads to hold on to, trying to find something to trust in to survive.  
  
The human mind is strange like that. Survival is everything, yet only in the most desperate of situations can you really tap into true instinct. When things are hopeless, that's when the mind kicks in. The will to survive becomes so strong, ordinary, rational thought seems to take a backseat.  
  
The last thing I detected with physical senses, before my soul was brutally torn from my body, was Yugi's cry of horror. Somehow, when things became desperate in the losing battle against insanity, my mind turned the image of Yugi into the ideal hero. I knew Yugi was the only one who could save me, therefore he became the perfect soldier in the battle against Pegasus. He could do no wrong; he was not A duelist, he was THE duelist. The ONLY duelist.  
  
And with that thought mixed the knowledge that there were two Yugis. Somehow, Yami became the one I put my trust in. I needed him to win so badly that he was all I thought about. My conscious wanted to find some sort of connection with him, but all I could think of was how I tortured him and he hated me. There could never be a connection. But without a connection of some kind, there was no hope at all.  
  
And thus, love was bred in desperation.  
  
But now that I'm free and I can see both him and Yugi with my own eyes and senses, I'm not sure if that thought was a flash of true feelings or a tug of insanity. They're certainly not as perfect as I was imagining them.  
  
What I do know, however, is that I can't go on like this. After being alone in that card for so long, the thought of isolating myself in the real world is unbearable. I need someone else in my life, besides my little brother. And whether it's someone I love or someone I'm just good friends with doesn't matter. I need someone. Badly.  
  
Who knows? It could be Yami. It could be Yugi. Heck, I guess it could even be Joey. Maybe it's Ryou, or Mai, or the next person I meet walking though the park. But it has to be someone, and it's definitely not going to be Tea. I think I'd go back in the card before I agreed to date her. At least in the card there was silence.  
  
Finally we pulled up to Yugi's house, and he and Yami got out. Then Yugi immediately invited us over for dinner, as a thank-you present for getting them all home. Mokuba was thrilled, of course. He and Yugi bolted inside before I could even say yes or no. For a few moments, Yami and I just looked at each other. Then, slowly, he smiled.  
  
And I smiled back.  
  
~*~  
  
There you go. I know it doesn't really fit with the show as much as the first part did, but I wanted poor Seto to have some closure after that terrible ordeal Pegasus put him though. What did you think? Good? Bad? Do another one? Leave it at that? I'll never know if you don't review!  
  
Yami: I like the way you did this one.  
  
Seto: Yup. The open-ended thing was very nice. Now no matter what pairing the people support, it can potentially happen!  
  
Yami: Although the one that WILL NOT happen is the one with you and Tea.  
  
Seto: shudder Don't even joke about that, Yami.  
  
Yami: Heck no. I've been stuck with her enough. I couldn't do that to you, too.  
  
Me: What about me?  
  
Seto: Fat chance. You know you hate Tea.  
  
Me: Crap. How'd you guess?  
  
Yami: rolls eyes Oh, I don't know.just the fact that in EVERY SINGLE STORY you write, she gets bashed. And that's if she's even in it at all.  
  
Oh, one more thing before I finish up: in case you haven't noticed, my E- mail has changed! It is now MCMacavity@aol.com. If you've sent me an E-mail before, I probably didn't get it (my old address was all screwed up and wouldn't deliver anything), so please send me another one to this new address!  
  
Anywho, Joey the Flame Swordsman and Flamina, the angel minion of fire are going to torch all mean, nasty reviews. You don't like it, you don't review. You DO like it, leave a nice, encouraging note! At any rate, PLEASE READ AND REVIEW! 


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